CW: sexuality, self-harm, suicide, mental health
This may be new information to some people, or something they already know, but first off I just wanted to say: I identify as bisexual. For me, this means attraction to two or more genders.
I am also currently in a monogamous marriage with a cisgendered (“cisgender” is defined as when a person’s gender corresponds with their given sex at birth), heterosexual man. And here are some things I want you to know about bisexuality and mental health.
Research has shown that bisexual individuals are at greater risk of having depression, anxiety, self-harming behaviours and suicidality than individuals who identify as straight, gay or lesbian (see here). Recent findings from one Australian study (https://www.latrobe.edu.au/news/articles/2019/release/study-looks-at-bisexual-mental-health) suggest that one in four bisexuals have attempted suicide; close to 80% of bisexual individuals have considered self-harm or suicide; and over 60% of bisexuals rated their psychological distress as “high” or “very high”. So, why are bisexuals suffering with poor mental health?
For one, biphobia exists, and it takes many forms. There are harmful myths about people who identify as bisexual. Some of the most common “beliefs” include:
- Bisexuals should are “greedy” and should instead just “pick a side”
- Bisexuals are “just going through a phase”
- Bisexuals are “confused”
- Bisexuals are claiming to be bisexual just for attention
- Bisexuals always cheat on their partners
- Bisexuals exist purely for threesomes
- The term bisexual excludes transgender, non-binary and gender non-conforming individuals, therefore bisexual people are transphobic (because “bi” means “two”)
All of these statements can cause damage and perpetuate stigma. These statements paint an inaccurate picture of what it means to be bisexual. In turn, this has a negative effect on the mental health of those who identify as such. The unnecessary perceived “shame” of being bisexual prevents many people from coming out to their closest family members and friends; research suggests that bisexual people are far less likely to be open about their sexual identity than those who identify as homosexual.
The identities of bisexual, pansexual, and non-monosexual individuals are often erased; for example, people may assert that I’m a heterosexual woman because of the current relationship that I am in. If I were instead in a relationship with another woman, people may assume that I was homosexual. These assumptions can often be frustrating, as it feels like we effectively have to “come out” over and over again. It also feels that we have to constantly “prove” our sexuality is real and valid, which again has a detrimental impact on mental health and our perceptions of identity.
For those of us in mixed-gender relationships, we may be told that we have the privilege of being in “straight-passing” relationships. In one sense, I agree with this; it is true that heterosexual relationships historically, and often presently, are seen as “the norm”, and therefore more “acceptable” than other types of relationships. We also know that people in same-gender relationships experience more hatred than people in mixed-gender relationships. On the other hand, this narrative of being “straight-passing” again erases bisexual and other non-monosexual identities, and can make us feel like we are not valid or welcome in the LGBTQ+ community. Again, we feel that we have to “prove” that our sexual orientation is legitimate.
It can be very tiring, stressful and harmful to our mental health when it feels that our identities are not respected or believed by other people. So please, educate yourselves, and #DoBetterBiUs
This is only a very short piece on what it means to be bisexual, and how it affects mental health – there is so much more that could be said here. I encourage everyone to do some more reading around the subject, for example:
Busting harmful myths about bisexuality
Bisexual women at a higher risk for violence
My sexuality is not just about sex
The mental health repercussions of identifying as a bisexual woman
Review Of The Mind 
Having only ever been in significant relationships with men (one’s that have led to us living together for example) I often encounter a lot of those points that you’ve bulleted above. In a way I have a tendency to bury that part of myself even without meaning to, because of what it implies, and its incredible how many times I’ve been asked to ‘prove it.’
I’ve loved as deeply for women as I have men, but it’s just not worked out the same relationship wise – I don’t exclusively date men but, it’s just the way it’s happened. Also, you can still identify that way, even if you don’t act on those feelings – it’s no different to not acting on urges towards the same sex when you’re committed, but people just don’t seem to grasp that sometimes!
On another note, I’ve also been used (for want of a better word) to explore people’s bisexual fantasies and exploratory phases, as someone has been openly bisexual since I was 14… Perhaps I made myself an easy target by being someone who openly talks about sex and my sexuality. Can confirm though, it doesn’t hurt any less than it does being used by someone of the same sex, and romantic feelings are never any less confusing either!
You don’t have to identify as gay or straight for your feelings to be valid. I guess that’s probably the most important thing to remember.
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