Thinking about therapy is scary. I just thought about what would happen if I started therapy and then became a different person. And then what if people wouldn’t like me anymore?
I do want to change, but I also don’t. There’s aspects of me that I want to change, such as the self-criticism and self-doubt, and at the same time, I don’t want to change at all. Because I’m me. I don’t want to lose “me” even though I torture myself with terrible thoughts at times, and perform behaviours that don’t help me.
I don’t want to lose the relationships I have. Including with myself. Even though I know that relationship is unhealthy at times. This is really difficult.
[Written on 18th September 2019]
Review Of The Mind 
Think of it (and any acts of self-care) as “getting to know and respond to me better”, rather than “a whole new me.” Your aim is to learn more about yourself, to learn why you have episodes of self-doubt or self-criticism and find healthy mechanisms to repair old reasons and recognize and deal with new reasons. Therapy isn’t a necessarily the only way to do any of this, but many find that professional help through this is helpful (since sometimes we are our own worst critics). Ultimately, my recommendation is to view your self-care (whether it includes therapy or not) as directed, wanted, conscious efforts and you will likely feel empowered from the experience.
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