Thinking about therapy is scary. I just thought about what would happen if I started therapy and then became a different person. And then what if people wouldn’t like me anymore?
I do want to change, but I also don’t. There’s aspects of me that I want to change, such as the self-criticism and self-doubt, and at the same time, I don’t want to change at all. Because I’m me. I don’t want to lose “me” even though I torture myself with terrible thoughts at times, and perform behaviours that don’t help me.
I don’t want to lose the relationships I have. Including with myself. Even though I know that relationship is unhealthy at times. This is really difficult.
[Written on 18th September 2019]